I want to go back on vacation.

This week at work has been brutal. The scary part is that it's going to be like this for me for the next few months. I felt inadequate today, which makes me feel stressed, which makes my back hurt (up towards my ribcage, which I've learned is what happens to me when I get really stressed), which makes me clam up and get really quiet. I didn't talk to a lot of my co-workers today because I was so wrapped up in my own world. When I sat down with my boss to talk about me helping out another department, we made a list of everything I'm working on (current and upcoming projects) and I almost stopped breathing. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to need to start delegating things to someone else, which I'm mostly OK with, but since I'm such a control freak when it comes to my work, I worry that things won't be done the way I want them (or need them to be).

The worst part is, I KNOW I'm not inadequate. It's simply that I'm juggling too many things at work, and a couple of things got pushed to the back burner. Things that I intended to finish, but that other, more pressing things got in the way and needed my attention more. I ended up finishing up what was asked of me today, but not without me feeling guilty and bad and that I'd let my boss down.

The bottom line is that I've got to work on prioritizing my work a little better and split my time between things, rather than work on one thing only until it's finished. The only problem is, I've got this thing about finishing a project so I can stop thinking about it and therefore stop stressing about it. And that's not working out so well for me.

I know all of this is temporary and that things will eventually settle down a little, and that every time I go through a tough period at work, I come out feeling really good about myself; that I made it through (somehow) without having a breakdown and I actually did a good job. And that all of this will be a great learning experience. I just really have to remind myself of those facts on a day-to-day basis, or I'll drown in my own thoughts and believe I'm not good enough. And that's toxic.

I know this isn't the happiest of posts, but I figured everyone can relate to this, and I really needed to vent a little in the hopes that some of my readers will have some similar stories to make me feel a little more normal.

In the meantime, I'm so happy tomorrow is Friday. I might just have a glass of wine tomorrow night after work to celebrate.

And since I rarely drink, you can imagine the kind of week I've had.