I DID IT!

I jogged for almost 2.25 miles tonight without stopping. It's the first time I've done that in...well, I can't remember how long. Two years, at least. I feel pretty great right now and my confidence is back, which means I'm more willing to jump on the treadmill again to see if I can go a little farther.

Yay me!

Feeling much better today.

Much to my surprise, I had a much better day today at work. The weekend was incredibly restful and restoring, and after looking through my work today, it appears that I'm not as buried as I originally thought. And since I don't have too much scheduled this week out of the ordinary, everything should be done by the end of the week with no problem.

What a huge relief that is, especially since I'm going to a seminar next Monday and Tuesday and will be losing 2 days of work.

Speaking of that...I'm looking forward to a little mini vacation. I'm staying at the Westin (which I've never stayed at before but I'm told is pretty great), and plan on doing a little shopping on Sunday afternoon when I get there. And when I get home on Wednesday, I've only got a couple of days and then...my birthday. And then the celebrations begin.

So there's much to look forward to within the next two weeks. And now that I have a clear head again, I'm so excited.

I want to go back on vacation.

This week at work has been brutal. The scary part is that it's going to be like this for me for the next few months. I felt inadequate today, which makes me feel stressed, which makes my back hurt (up towards my ribcage, which I've learned is what happens to me when I get really stressed), which makes me clam up and get really quiet. I didn't talk to a lot of my co-workers today because I was so wrapped up in my own world. When I sat down with my boss to talk about me helping out another department, we made a list of everything I'm working on (current and upcoming projects) and I almost stopped breathing. I'm almost at the point where I'm going to need to start delegating things to someone else, which I'm mostly OK with, but since I'm such a control freak when it comes to my work, I worry that things won't be done the way I want them (or need them to be).

The worst part is, I KNOW I'm not inadequate. It's simply that I'm juggling too many things at work, and a couple of things got pushed to the back burner. Things that I intended to finish, but that other, more pressing things got in the way and needed my attention more. I ended up finishing up what was asked of me today, but not without me feeling guilty and bad and that I'd let my boss down.

The bottom line is that I've got to work on prioritizing my work a little better and split my time between things, rather than work on one thing only until it's finished. The only problem is, I've got this thing about finishing a project so I can stop thinking about it and therefore stop stressing about it. And that's not working out so well for me.

I know all of this is temporary and that things will eventually settle down a little, and that every time I go through a tough period at work, I come out feeling really good about myself; that I made it through (somehow) without having a breakdown and I actually did a good job. And that all of this will be a great learning experience. I just really have to remind myself of those facts on a day-to-day basis, or I'll drown in my own thoughts and believe I'm not good enough. And that's toxic.

I know this isn't the happiest of posts, but I figured everyone can relate to this, and I really needed to vent a little in the hopes that some of my readers will have some similar stories to make me feel a little more normal.

In the meantime, I'm so happy tomorrow is Friday. I might just have a glass of wine tomorrow night after work to celebrate.

And since I rarely drink, you can imagine the kind of week I've had.

Movie recommendation.

If you're looking for a good human drama, Things We Lost in the Fire is pretty great. And I think I kind of like Benicio Del Toro as an actor.

Just be prepared with a box of tissues, because it is a tear jerker. And I suddenly believe again that there is good in all of us, even if it is way down deep inside.

Re-discovering an old love.

I recently started reading again after a long and unnecessary hiatus. Life has been so crazy over the last couple of years that I haven't had much time to stop what I'm doing and pick up a book. So when a co-worker lent me a few books recently, I took it as the opportunity to start reading religiously again. And boy, I'm glad I did.

Last week, I finished reading Funny in Farsi: A Memoir of Growing up Iranian in America by Firoozeh Dumas. What a wonderful book that was. So funny and warm, and so enlightening, too. I highly recommend this book to anyone who's interested in learning more about the Iranian culture.

As soon as I finished that book, I picked up A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (he's the author of The Kite Runner, which was recently made into a movie). I'm only 60 pages into it thus far, and all I can say is: wow. This book will probably make it on to my list of all time favorites. Last week during my break, I came across one part that was so moving that I actually cried a little. It's been a long time since a book has done that to me, and all I wanted to do was keep reading. I've been taking it with me everywhere I go - while I was waiting for my Weight Watchers meeting to start yesterday, I read a few pages and hated to put it down. I'm excited to see where the book is going.

I'm not sure yet what I'll be reading next. It always makes me a little sad when I've finished reading a book - I grow somewhat attached to the story and the characters. And that's part of why I love to read so much.

I'm so glad I decided to pick up a book a couple of weeks ago. I don't think I'll ever go that long again without reading.

And if anyone has any good books to recommend, please let me know!

When animals attack!

Check out this link, and then tell me it's not one of the funniest things ever. If you have pets, I think you will agree with me.

I don't dare attempt anything like this with my cats, because I KNOW I'll lose an eye. For sure.

Best. Picture. Ever.

I renewed my driver's license last week and had to get a new picture. That always makes me cringe. So I made sure I looked extra cute when it was my turn (checked my hair several times, put on lip gloss, and smiled my prettiest natural smile). The woman who took my picture said, "Oh you're going to be happy with this picture - it's nice!" I figured she was just being kind, until it came in the mail today.

It turns out, that nice lady at the DMV was right. I have never been happier with any single picture of myself ever, with the exception of my wedding pictures. I was ecstatic. I tried to take a picture of it to share with all of you, but unfortunately it didn't turn out. I'm sure that I will show you the next time I get together with any of you.

Now, I kind of hope I'll get carded so people can see this fantastic picture. If I don't, maybe I'll just ask them if they'd like to see it anyway.

Yes, it's that good.

Back to reality.

Nothing hurts as much as hearing your alarm go off at 5:15 on a Monday morning after you've been sleeping until 9 am every day for eleven days. My first thought was how I'd love to give my left arm for another day off, until I realized two things: 1) I really like my left arm and use it quite frequently; and 2) taking another day off will only prolong the inevitability of returning to work, and really, why put it off? I had worked myself into such a frenzy last night over going back that I gave myself a headache and didn't fall asleep until almost 11:30, even though rational me kept saying, "YOU'RE WORRYING FOR NOTHING, YOU KNOW. THIS IS SILLY. STOP IT AND GO TO SLEEP. YOU'LL PAY FOR THE LACK OF SLEEP TOMORROW AND IT WILL NOT BE PRETTY."

And yet, the irrational, worrying, anxious me, said, "BE QUIET, YOU. THERE'S PROBABLY A HUGE FIRE WAITING FOR ME WHEN I GET TO WORK, ALONG WITH 34083923 E-MAILS AND 984398493 PHONE MESSAGES. I HAVE LEGITIMATE REASONS TO BE WORRIED HERE."

So this morning, with my heart fluttering a little, I turned on my computer to discover I had about 20 e-mails, none of which were earth-shatteringly important, and two phone messages. Two. Both of which were non-urgent.

I've taken countless vacations from work, and have always come back to normalcy. Why on earth should this time have been any different in terms of emergencies, ESPECIALLY since most of the free world was off last week anyway?

The answer is: I don't know. Again. I told myself last night (as you saw) that I needed to stick to my resolution and stop making myself crazy over nothing. And I KNEW it was for nothing. And yet I still went through the needless agony.

Clearly, I still have some more work to do. I think I'll head to Amazon to see if I can find a self help book on a similar topic.

On the bright side, I had a relatively good day and I'm glad to be back in my routine again. It was nice to take a break, but it was really nice to go back to eating normal food and a regular exercise routine.

If all goes as planned, I'm hoping to take the same week off again at the end of the year.

And yes, it's already on my calendar.

Now playing: the Lovin' Touchin' Squeezins!

I am officially a drummer in a band. Can you believe it? We're just starting out and don't have a big fan base yet, but we're hoping to book some gigs soon. Oh, and me and the guitar player are having a thing. Hopefully it won't go sour, or the whole band will be in trouble.

My husband got Rock Band 2 for Christmas, and we've been playing non stop since last night when we went over to a friend's house and played with them for 4 hours straight. We bought the rest of the equipment for the game today and set up our band this afternoon. We got our name from an episode of Scrubs - J.D. was telling Turk and Carla about a Journey cover band that he loved named the Lovin' Touchin' Squeezins as a suggestion for a band at their wedding.

I also did a little singing tonight, but I'm no Kim (my cousin). I don't even know some of the songs in the game, so I'll be playing the drums on those selections.

I have a feeling I'm going to be losing a lot of time in the very near future - time that should be spent on chores or other really important things.

But my drumming skills need refining at this point, so I'll make the sacrifice.

The things I do for the band.

My New Year's commitments.

Every year, I make New Year's resolutions that I never keep, like most people do. This year, I've decided to call them commitments instead of resolutions, so I can take them more seriously and actually follow through on them. Here's what I've come up with:

1. Stop chewing on my fingers when I get nervous or stressed. It's an ugly habit that I've had for most of my life and I'm bound and determined to stop this year.

2. Go back to eating lots of fruits and veggies like I used to do a couple of years ago. It really made such a difference in how I felt, and since I've done it before, I can do it again.

3. Train myself for a run. I miss the way I used to feel and want that back again.

4. Really, REALLY stop making things harder for myself than they need to be. I worry about minute things way more than I need to, and I'm realizing now that all that does is complicate things. I'm not sure yet how I'm going to do this, but I'll find a way.

I think this is a good start. I'm sure I can come up with more, but for now, this is enough for me to work on.

Happy New Year and happy new you!!