Battle at Cupcake Hill.

We celebrated a couple of events at work today (an engagement and someone passing an HR certification exam), and of course, there were cupcakes. Big, fat, delicious cupcakes from a little bakery that makes the most decadent baked goods ever. Up for the taking were triple chocolate, coconut lime, salty caramel, vanilla, and chocolate with marshmallow-y type cream on top coated with a hard chocolate shell.

And I did not eat one.

Everyone marveled at my self-discipline. But they had no idea of the battle going on inside my head. Anyone who's ever had a weight problem and conquered it knows exactly what I'm talking about.

Part of me couldn't help but think that I'm just one cupcake away from slipping right back into my old eating habits. I fear those little baked goodies because of what they do to the scale (and to me, of course). If I make an excuse every time I want to eat something like that ("Oh, it's just this one time"), then there will be no more self-discipline and I'll be back to eating everything in sight. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Then again, part of me (actually, MOST) was saying, "Oh, come on - it's ONE cupcake. It's not going to make you gain all of your weight back. Just eat it." That voice was really, REALLY loud today. Almost deafening.

I went back and forth for what seemed like forever before I finally decided that I didn't need the cupcake, no matter how delicious it smelled or looked. I wasn't going to let some flour and water tell ME what to do. Nobody and nothing can boss me around. And I walked away without looking back.

And now, 4 hours later, I'm glad I didn't eat one. I defeated my inner cupcake demon and came out victorious.

Today, when I got home, I enjoyed my little end-of-the-day piece of chocolate more than ever.