Whoa.

Where is the time going? Seriously? We were talking today at work about ideas for Halloween costumes.

Will someone please take their finger OFF the fast forward button that seems to be stuck this year?

Actually, I'm happy that this year is more than halfway over - it's been a tough year for so many people I know and I'm ready for a new beginning.

And I just realized...4 months from today is Christmas Day! I'm simultaneously excited and exhausted thinking about that.

So is it just me, or does anyone else think this year has gone faster than most?

Post-vacation doldrums.

Have you ever had a vacation so wonderful that you literally forget all of your troubles and cares? That the rest of the world seems to disappear and all that exists is you and the place you're visiting? I was lucky enough to have a vacation like that last week. And as you can imagine, coming back down to reality was not easy.

My family and I went to our usual summer vacation destination (Riverlane Resort in Guerneville) for our annual one week stay last week. Every year is always an escape for all of us - to reconnect with each other and just focus on our family - but this year, it seemed like more of an escape than ever. Because this year has been especially challenging, I think everyone was so ready for a break that the vibe just picked me up and carried me away. For a brief moment, I actually forgot the name of the software system we're implementing at work. And I've been working on this project for six months now. It only took a matter of days for me to wipe it from my memory. Which made it all the more hard to come back. Here are some of the things that made it so great:

• I had a mocha almost every morning.
• My mom and I went to Freestone one morning and bought freshly baked bread and scones. Nothing better than fresh baked goods and ocean weather.
• It was 85 degrees and warm for most of the week.
• I ate pate' and brie cheese for the first time together on some bread at the suggestion of my uncle. In an effort to try new things, I was happy that I did. It was pretty delicious.
• I danced to Earth Wind and Fire's song September at the miniature golf course.
• I walked mostly every morning.
  
• I took a nap mostly every morning after my walk.
• I didn't dry my hair most of the week (except for my bangs, which are a fright if I don't).
• I didn't wear a watch.
• I didn't use the microwave.
• I sang along with Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson at a bar after having had a martini and a rum and coke (I am a lightweight and it does not take much to make me tipsy).
• I ate veggie sandwiches for lunch almost every day.
• A few of us went to the Russian River Pub and ate DELICIOUS food.
• We goofed off and took a zillion funny pictures. I love my digital camera.
  
• I ate two truffles.
• I took pictures of most everything I ate and all the animals I saw. (A separate post will follow with some of those pictures.)
  

I also went horseback riding with some friends of our family (Jacqui and her children Jenna and Vaughn, who we met at the resort a few years back and became instant honorary members of our family), and it was both spectacular and terrifying. I had forgotten just how high up you are when you're on a horse, and before the ride began, we were given a plethora of lessons on how to direct the horse, most of which I forgot by the end of the demonstration. I have never been more scared in my life - I thought for sure I was going to spend 2 1/2 hours guiding a horse, which I was not good at, and somehow end up lost or injured. Jacqui almost backed out herself - it sounded like it was going to be too much to handle. We decided to go for it, and I am so glad that we did. Although riding a horse uphill and downhill is scary (I said a little prayer every time we went down a hairpin turn), the experience was amazing and beautiful. The lookout point we stopped at was breathtaking. The horses were well-behaved and very gentle. What they did not tell us was that the horses knew the trail we were on like the back of their hoof (ha!), and I ended up having to do very little guiding - he knew exactly what to do. Once I figured that out, it was smooth sailing. This is what it looked like at the top:













Pretty spectacular.


And here's one of me with my horse, Sidney:

















I apparently am so boring that my horse is falling asleep standing up.

My husband pointed out that this was the first excursion of its kind that I took without any members of my family going with me. But I felt so comfortable with Jacqui and her kids that it didn't bother me at all.

Although it was incredibly difficult to come home this year, I'm back into the swing of things for the most part and readjusting to my normal life. I still pine for vacation, but what comforts me is the reservation we've already made for next year.

And knowing that next year will be just as good, if not better, than this year.

Still here.

I haven't a clue as to what to write about. I am completely blank right now but at least wanted to say hello and yes, I am still here. As soon as I think of something creative/clever/entertaining, I will come back and tell you aaaaall about it.

See you soon!

Reality television finally pays off...sort of.

I've always been rather indecisive, which to me is a very annoying personality trait. I can't make a lot of snap decisions, and I tend to overthink things waaaaay too much, which results in a lengthy decision making process for everything. I doubt myself so much that it clouds my head. I've been struggling with this a lot lately, and on my way home yesterday, I had an odd realization. Whenever I watch reality television shows and someone has to make a difficult decision, I'm usually pretty good at being objective and realizing the best course of action. So when I'm faced with a challenging situation, all I have to do is think, "If I were watching myself talk about this on TV right now, what would I be telling the television?"

I guess it's my way of stepping back from the situation to take a look at the bigger picture. Weird, but as I always say, whatever works.

Where will I be on July 14th at 7:30?

Seeing Coldplay in concert with my friend Cam. And I cannot wait! I've never seen them in concert before, but I'm sure it's going to be amazing. It'll be a great way to kick off vacation. I totally forgot about it until a couple of days ago - it's nice to have something else to look forward to.

I will try and take pictures, or I will just have to try and describe the awesomeness of it all.

I'd also like to throw a note on stage requesting that Chris Martin talk to his wife about her horrible pretentiousness, but I still have to figure that one out.

Dealing with grief.

In all of my thirty-two years on this planet, I've been extremely lucky in that I've not had to deal with the grieving process as much as the next person. My first experience with it was with my great-grandmother on my dad's side, who passed away in 2005 at the age of 96. I had never been to a funeral for someone that close to me before, and it was the hardest thing I had ever dealt with up to that point. It took me a long time to realize that she was gone, and I had an incredibly difficult time after her funeral trying to process what had happened.

So when my great-grandmother on my mom's side passed away Monday at the age of 95, I thought that I would be able to handle it for the most part. But I was wrong on so many levels. This is a form of grief that I have never known, and I'm stumbling through it blindly. I have periods where I'm fine (and by fine I mean not crying but in an incredibly thick fog of complete unawareness) and periods where I can't stop crying and my whole body shakes with sobs. Nothing seems to matter to me anymore, and everything takes so much effort and energy. Yesterday was a beautifully sunny day, and all I could think about was that my great-grandmother was never going to see another day like this again. She would never see the roses that my great-grandfather planted in the front yard. She would never be here to celebrate holidays or birthdays with us. There is a tremendous gaping hole that she has left behind, and even though she lived longer than most people do and I should be thankful for that, I'm still having a terrible time dealing with the fact that she is gone.

But there are also lots of wonderful memories that are being passed around now at my grandparent's house. How my great-grandmother, when they were living in Europe, caught a man who was trying to steal sheep from their farm and threw him in the barn, latched the door with a 2x4 and stood outside with a pitchfork telling him that if he came out, she would kill him. My memories of her are spending the days at their house with their dog Hundi (Lady), who I used to do "peace be with you" with when I shook her paw. I remember the walks we used to take to Raley's on summer mornings. I remember her babysitting us and how kind and gentle she was. And I'll always be so lucky that I had two sets of great-grandparents growing up, and how most people don't even get the chance to meet their great-grandparents. I am thankful for all of this and more.

I will miss her more than anything, but I am thankful for the time I was given with her and will treasure it always. She was a tough and incredibly strong woman, and I hope that I can find it in myself to be as strong as she was through this difficult time.

I'll miss you, Cross-the-Street Oma. I love you more than anything.

Never enough time.

I went over to my grandparent's house yesterday to drop off some things and ended up visiting with them for over an hour. I haven't done that in such a long time and I could tell that it really made them happy. My grandmother (Oma) showed me some of her plants in the backyard and the green beans and cucumbers she planted along the back fence. She gave me a jar of her homemade spaghetti sauce, a container of fresh pineapple, some apple bars and some crepes to take home. We talked about all kinds of things, her and I, while we sat with my grandfather in their garage in the late afternoon sun. I told them about work and an upcoming business trip I'll be taking. Oma was excited that I get to travel and see different places.

I left feeling really happy but a little sad at the same time. My life has gotten so busy over the last few years that I really haven't sat and talked to them in quite awhile. We see each other quite often for family get togethers, but I don't go over there by myself just to visit with them as often as I should. And I really have no excuse, since they only live 15 minutes away from me. I think I've taken for granted over the years that they have always been there, and I guess I just assumed that they always will be, which is sadly not the case. My grandparents were pretty young when I was born (my grandmother 44, my grandfather 46), so I've been luckier than most in that regard. But over the last few years, time has started to take its toll, and it's made me realize that we don't have all the time in the world. Time with them now has become more important than ever.

I've made a promise to myself that I'm going to visit with them as often as I can, no matter what. The small things in my life (chores, errands, etc.) can wait - there will always be time for that. Being there for them can't wait. And I realized it yesterday. Thank goodness it was now rather than later.